Anxiety

Anxiety is hard to describe, especially the feelings that surround it. That overwhelming panic, the rapid beating of the heart as it is flooded with fear. I hate, yes hate, that feeling. Lately, I have been having a lot of anxiety, because life hasn’t gone as I anticipated. The worst thing about anxiety is the taunting fear. I know the Bible says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)”. I prayed for it to go away and it didn’t seem to work. What was I doing wrong? (That added thought that I was doing something wrong only increased my anxiety – UGHH!) “God, help!”, this is probably my best prayer to date. “God, help, I can’t seem to let go of this anxiety and I am afraid I don’t really know how to do it, help Jesus, help.”

Well I would like to say that all of a sudden I never struggled with anxiety again, yet that is not true. I still struggle, although, thankfully it is getting better. When those feelings of paralyzing fear overwhelm me, I am learning not to entertain those thoughts. I am learning to talk to God instead of ponder the anxiety running through me. It is a process and sometimes I feel as if I am saying the same prayer to God over and over. Yet, the God I love and know isn’t bothered by my repetition. I think God is teaching me to deal with anxiety simply by not giving it fuel to thrive in my heart and mind. I am now running to God and confessing honestly where I am at. I no longer try with my own strength to ignore it; I bring it to the Cross. It is a process. 

I often wish I could pray and “zap” it would all disappear - my problems, my issues, my anxiety. Yet, I realize that I am also learning in this process, I am discovering how to lean on God. I am learning how to hand over my thoughts and hurts. I think this is a valuable lesson because as I move through life difficulties will come and now I will have a valuable tool to use. I really appreciate the way God loves and grows me. I won’t lie and say I appreciate fighting through this anxiety, yet…yet God is faithful and I get to discover anew His faithful, faithful love and that I do appreciate.

Wherever you are as you read this I pray that you, too, will discover God’s faithful love. And I welcome your prayers as I walk through this process. I feel as if I am squeezing tightly onto God’s hand, slowly I am relaxing my grip and enjoying the journey once again.

God is faithful.