Today as I was reading Psalm 73, it was like being injected with hope. Sometimes, as I read the Bible I tend to pass over verses I've read often before. Lately, I have been trying to read everything and hear with my heart what God is saying. Today my heart heard.
“When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within, Then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory.”
I relate to these verses, especially the first two in my effort to be a perfect person and in that quest I fail, oh so miserably. In fact, I am learning how to NOT try to be a perfect person, because it is an unattainable goal that will always leave me wanting and failing. So yes, I relate to the first two verses when the writer is not in a good place because he is embittered and senseless, ignorant. It caught me by surprise when I read the verse and word in verse 23, "nevertheless". Did I read that correctly? Continually with God? It hit me like cool aloe on a sunburn - God does not go away or leave, this is not a touch and go relationship. We are not left on our own to get it together so we can then go to God. God does not disappear. I can’t express how this builds hope and safety in my heart. It’s as if I understand better the truth that God loves me where I am at and loves me wholly. It’s a perfect example of God loving me because of who He is and not where I am in my filth, joy or wherever I find myself. THANK YOU JESUS! No, it does not justify my poor behavior, it gives me hope in spite of myself. “His kindness leads us to repentance”; “His love never fails” I am brought to tears thinking about a love like this, a God like this and this is who He is! Thank You God. Thank You for your kindness and the fact that You never leave us or forsake us. I can be human, not perfect. Yet, I am also drawn to not be the person in the first two verses, His kindness truly does lead to repentance. Today, I will be a peace with myself and where I am in life. Today I have the confidence that - I am continually with God.